Advice to My Fifteen Year Old Self

It has been so long since I was fifteen, but I still remember how I struggled. Funny enough, I now call it a struggle, but at the time, I simply thought this was how “life” was. Life seemed to slug on forever, and from then on, I remembered doing the “right” thing to suffer minimal consequences.

So, let’s get to those five things I would advise my fifteen-year-old self.

Lessons from the Past

Some things you take for granted at age fifteen will be valuable later.

The Value of Time and Family

Of all the things I took for granted, the ones I appreciate most now are time and family.

When I was fifteen, a caring teacher lamented my apathetic behaviour. I was an intelligent child who was content with doing as much as I needed to stay out of trouble and under the radar at home. At the time, I could not understand what the problem was. Years later, I understood how much she cared and what I could have done differently.

My apathy kept me from trying and learning many things I could have benefited from. Time, though a gift, felt burdensome during my teenage years. With no worries about work or other adult responsibilities, I could have spent much time learning everything I now try to squeeze into my weekly schedule as an adult.

After I started living alone, I understood the blessing of having a mother who consistently cooked for me. However, I often had days when I wished for a home-cooked meal that someone else prepared. I yearned for the care and attention my parents provided, like paying bills. I yearned for the care and attention my parents provided

The Power of Human Connection

People are Important and Necessary.

I used to feel that the only people I needed in life were my parents since they physically took care of me. As an introvert who felt anxious whenever I had to interact with people, I was comforted, believing that I needed no one but them. It took me many years and conversations to understand that some of the emptiness I felt was due to a lack of adequate and meaningful relationships with others.  I had not understood that humans are social beings. We are wired for connection. Even as an introvert, socialising may have a different way of being expressed, but it was a necessary aspect of my life.

Much of my growth is due to others—whether through books they’ve written, advice they have given, or observation. Most of what I learned was through some tough interpersonal relationships. Though these relationships brought me pain and grief, they have moulded me into a more resilient person. God saw it fit to give me a few pleasant relationships that have continuously restored my faith in humanity after a difficult experience.

The Illusion of Perfection

Your peers are struggling, too.

If I had gone back to fifteen-year-old Rita and told her that the children around her who looked too bubbly and full of life were struggling, too, I would have had difficulty believing it. At that age, I had a “grass is greener over there” mentality in which I subconsciously made myself the victim and thought others lived better lives. Living with that mentality caused me to struggle emotionally for a very long time.

At fifteen, I remember feeling like no one understood me or even cared enough to understand. I believed that everyone was having a better time growing up. It seemed like my peers knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives while I was floating through life with only one goal—never suffer more than I needed to. I observed everyone laughing and talking to each other, and to my young eyes, everyone fitted in somewhere except for me. I quietly surveyed classmates, teachers, and neighbours, assuming that what I could see was all that was there to see.

Years later, I realised that everyone has insecurities and struggles. When I complained to a friend that I was weird, he questioned my definition of normal and asked me. “Who determines the standard of normalcy?” He urged me to embrace my unique qualities and abilities rather than complain. It irritated me, but I eventually appreciated the new perspective. It caused a paradigm shift for me, which made my quality of life so much better.

Thirty isn’t ancient.

To list makers, schedulers, goal chasers, and planners, thirty isn’t ancient. All the to-do and bucket lists “by age 30” are great. But life does not end at thirty.

While life may not unfold as planned, we should not lose hope or fail to appreciate our blessings. Waiting a few years longer than the next person to save for college does not make you a failure. Remember, every situation has advantages and disadvantages, and it is our responsibility to find and make the most of the good things that come with our situation. Life may not go according to our wishes, but that is no reason to lose hope or not enjoy all the good things we are blessed with. Waiting a few years longer than the next person to save for college does not make you a failure. Remember, every situation has advantages and disadvantages, and it is our responsibility to find and make the most of the good things that come with our situation.

If you have difficulty coming up with answers, perhaps there is someone older you trust to give you good, nonjudgmental advice. A different perspective can be a blessing.

Your perspective will continue changing.

I do not believe my current and fifteen-year-old self would initially get along. The girl I was would wonder what happened to me. She would be astounded that I turned out to be such a talkative softie. After the initial shock, she would have asked many questions to determine what caused the drastic change.

Every day and every experience is a chance for growth. As we receive new information and experience life, we are placed in a position to make better-informed decisions and change our opinions.

One of my most important changes is learning not to put everything into neat black or white boxes.  Passing judgment on the little I know about a person or situation is unfair and presumptuous. What we see or think we know is usually just the tip of the iceberg. We are not privy to anyone’s struggles. We are not all-knowing. Only God is, and this is what we are told to leave judgment and retribution to Him. What we know is much less than what we don’t know. Therefore, it is always best to allow flexibility and understanding when dealing with each other. What we know is much less than what we don’t know, so it is always best to allow flexibility and understanding when dealing with each other.

A Final Word

These are five things that I constantly have to remind myself of. It would have been great if I had understood them from an earlier age, and it would have been even greater if I had constantly remembered them when things seemed tough.

If you like this post, please prepare for my subsequent post and visit again. I currently plan to post once a month. I am most active on Threads, but you can also find me on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook. While you’re here, you may enjoy this post, which I give to my fifteen-year-old self.