Advice To My Twenty-five Year Old Self

In hindsight, twenty-five was an age of so much opportunity. 

In hindsight, twenty-five was an age of so many opportunities—opportunities that I know I squandered. Nevertheless, there is much I wish I had known that could have improved my quality of life. So, what advice would I have given to my twenty-five-year-old self?

The Illusion of Black and White

Firstly, life isn’t always black and white. At age twenty-five, I believed that most things were right or wrong and that there were no grey areas. Consequently, I was subconsciously quite critical of others for their mistakes. Moreover, I was even harder on myself for my own. When analysing certain situations, I often compared others (or myself) to someone who had handled a similar situation better. I would ask myself, “If they could do it, why couldn’t I? Why couldn’t this other person perform better?” With that reasoning, I concluded that we made excuses for our flawed behaviour because we were either too mean or lazy to act differently.

Over time, however, I understood that every life is unique. Everyone’s growth has its rate, starting line, and obstacles. This epiphany marked the beginning of my journey toward being kinder to myself. Consequently, I could allow others more grace by learning to be less critical of my failures. As a result, I became more forgiving of perceived slights. To be clear, while there is right and wrong in life, choosing to understand someone rather than judge them ultimately reaps better rewards—for both them and yourself.

The Power of Self-Awareness

In addition, take the time to figure out your feelings. Your feelings are entirely valid; they tell you something is not resonating with you. Indeed, there is a reason you are happy, sad, or annoyed, and that matters.

Understanding your emotions and triggers

At age twenty-five, I often attempted to avoid my feelings. I tiptoed around my positive feelings because I feared they would not last long, while I tried to dismiss the negative ones, viewing them as weaknesses. However, after realising that my feelings could teach me important things about myself, I began to analyse them. This process revealed aspects of myself I had never understood before—especially why certain seemingly trivial things would upset me.

Gradually, I learned to trace some of my triggers back to childhood experiences. Many of these stemmed from my own experiences and my perception of them. Additionally, others resulted from behavioural patterns I had subconsciously picked up while interacting with those around me.

After acknowledging the reasons for my behaviour, I made the necessary changes. I began speaking to people who could provide me with valuable insights. Furthermore, I read books about my struggles, which helped me better understand who I am and why I am the way I am. While all these helped me grow tremendously, I knew something was missing that I just could not connect. I decided to seek therapy and began to connect the missing pieces. That perspective from someone disconnected from me is exactly what I needed.

Breaking Free from Isolation

A wall that keeps the bad out may also keep out the good.

As an introvert, I cherish solitude; however, at age twenty-five, I mistook isolation for alone time. I believed that withdrawing from social interaction would simplify my life and alleviate my social anxiety. Yes, I had friends, but I kept my interactions limited; sometimes, I would isolate for weeks. Eventually, frank conversations with my now husband revealed the detrimental effects of isolation: loneliness, which ultimately led to depressed thoughts and feelings. As I matured, I gradually learned to be more open to spending more time with others. Then, I realised something important: I had kept much of the awful stuff out by isolating myself but missed many opportunities to connect with amazing people. Fortunately, it is never too late to change. Now, I have an amazing network and am connected to people I feel privileged to know.

However, after letting down my walls, I had to learn some tough lessons about establishing healthy boundaries. Nonetheless, those experiences and the lessons they taught me will be discussed in a subsequent post.

The Value of Open-Mindedness

Life gets better if you are willing to change your perspective.

Over the years, I have had to change some of my opinions, which I once considered law. Being open to admitting that I could be wrong about things has been integral to my growth.

Moreover, stubbornness is an unhelpful quality. However, understand that being open to change does not mean you must change your opinion. Rather, it means that you will give other ideas a fighting chance. If the advice is not risky, it’s worth testing to see if it works for you. Your willingness to change your perspective implies that you will take time and energy to research the advice you received rather than immediately discard it.

Let’s face it: life is a continuous journey of learning. Learning brings additional information, which may assist us in attaining a better quality of life—perhaps not materialistically, but mentally, emotionally, and possibly spiritually.

Redefining Expectations

You will not figure life out by age thirty.

After we turned thirty, some friends and I laughed about this. Oh, the expectations we had! In hindsight, I wish I had known this at age twenty-five so I would have been easier on myself regarding those heavy expectations.

Why did I expect to be an expert in life by age thirty? Perhaps I thought that this was the magical age at which I would have the answers to all of my life’s questions. I expected to know exactly where I was heading and to have my sense of style down to the last thread. Additionally, I thought I would possess all the self-confidence I did not have at age twenty-five.

As I approached thirty, I realised I would not have solved all my life’s problems by then. At first, I felt disillusioned; however, after that disillusionment, I gained some clarity. This realisation ultimately made me welcome that new stage of my life with open arms.

A Final Word

What advice would you give to your twenty-five-year-old self? Please share with us in the comments below!

If you liked this post, check out my previous one, where I share the advice I would give specifically to the twenty-one-year-old me. Additionally, follow me on Twitter or Instagram to get updates.